The truth is, I can’t stand watching the movie in one seating. I had to stop from time to time. I can’t bear the fact that I somehow know how it’s going to end and I hate that I already somewhat know the ending even before I get there. I hate it. I hate the ending.
I hate the fact that the movie made me believe that being in love with an OS was possible and that it was delightful, that it is not at all weird. In essence that being with yourself is okay and that being in love with an ideal is blissful. And then all of a sudden all the other things that makes a relationship with anyone or anything a reality is also very possible. How do you say goodbye? How will you go back from there? Living with yourself and falling in-love with an ideal.
And why does feeling bad feels so good? That even though I already know how it is going to end I still had the guts to watch it? That somehow I told myself that the pain in the end might be worth it. I just hate that I loved how I hate the movie. It was painful, but it is the real kind of pain. It is a pain that one cannot bear but it is so real that I already have an acceptance that it has happened once or that it will happen to me again.
The movie was not hopeful but amidst the pain one cannot help but just cling on to hope that everything will either be okay or that it already is.